Can we break the cycle?
When it comes to our behaviour so much of what we do has been handed down to us from our caregivers, groups we grew up with, societies and nation states we have been part of. Are we actively choosing how we experience and relate to the world around us or are we simply repeating patterns we’ve observed and learned?
At a familial level our behaviour is clearly influenced by our parents or guardians. They may have actively conditioned us to think in certain ways by signing us up to their philosophical system or religion, perhaps when we were very young. We also mirror their behaviour and what they do shapes our moral compass and conscience. Our behaviour towards individuals or groups will have been strongly influenced by what we’ve witnessed as we’ve grown up.
Research suggests that approximately one-third (30% to 40%) of individuals who experience child abuse or neglect grow up to display abusive tendencies themselves. Children who witness parental infidelity are twice as likely to cheat on their own romantic partners in adulthood compared to those from faithful homes. Despite a strong statistical correlation, this is not an absolute rule; the vast majority of children from these backgrounds actively choose monogamy and fidelity. A study published by Weiser and Weigel in the journal Personal Relationships found that 44% of adults who knew a parent had cheated went on to cheat themselves. In contrast, only 22% of adults whose parents remained faithful committed infidelity.
Children are, on average, twice as likely to choose the same profession as their parents. This likelihood increases significantly at the top of the income scale, where wealthy children are up to seven times more likely to follow the same career path. In some cases parents have an expectation that their children will follow in their footsteps or take a role in the family business, they may also make decisions on behalf of their children to ensure they walk the line.
So can we break the cycle or are we destined to live out established patterns and conditioned behaviours?
The idea that we have free will and are acting as an independent, autonomous “self” with total control is probably an illusion. Our minds seem more likely to be interdependent and influenced by physical and psychological factors meaning we don’t have total control.
But maybe we can use introspection to identify habitual patterns and behaviours in order that we can work towards breaking them and moving in different directions. To break the chains of our past conditioning and move toward making genuinely free choices meditation is a powerful tool.
Here’s three ways meditation can help:
Meditation practice enables the cultivation of an inner stillness and internal objectivity that lessens reactivity to external events or internal fluctuations of thoughts and emotions.
Developing calm concentration (shamatha) gives us the power to consciously direct our focus rather than being distracted and swept along by ingrained patterns.
By examining the underlying motivations of your mind, you can replace negative, reactive habits with deliberate, wise actions.
What do you think? Have you observed patterns or conditioning playing out in your life? Are there cycles you’d like to break?
